Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
