I want to walk on stilts...naked
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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