I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
