just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
