There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
