I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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