Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
