I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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