Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
