turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
