So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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