So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How naked do you want me to be?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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