Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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