The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
