i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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