It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
