Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
