I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
