Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
