If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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