I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
