We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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