thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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