Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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