Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
