none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
