Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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