lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
