Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
