I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
