that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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