I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
