Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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