Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
