dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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