i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
