your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
