I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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