When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
