After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
