so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
