Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
