So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
