Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
