I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
