his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
