Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
