bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
