Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
