From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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