wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
